It is entirely possible I was misdiagnosed with CRPS and I could have been doing much better months ago with the right treatment. Maybe I wouldn’t need surgery if that doctor could have been less “I’d love to be wrong…except I’m not and how dare you question me pernicious plebe,” and more “Maybe you aren’t healing properly. Let’s investigate!”
I should have gone with my instincts and got the second opinion a long time ago. But I’m not gonna feel ashamed about it, because that’s pointless. It’s kinda funny, standing up for myself when I can’t actually stand for more than five minutes. Language, you rascal.
I’m terrified and excited about surgery. I want it to be fixed, but I’m pretty anxious about the risks. What if the anaesthetic wears off before they’re done? What if there is nerve damage and I need more surgery? What if infection happens? What if the shit still refuses to heal right? What if surgery makes it worse? What if the pain pills don’t work, as has been the case pretty much every time I’ve had to take them?
I’m tired of this pain and anxiety, of them being the rudders for my life. I want things to be vastly different. I’m keeping my expectations low so I don’t cause a depression crater from the disappointment crash (again), but I hope my pain gets fixed, the healing is smooth and quick, and the reduction in pain and inflammation makes my other health problems shut up.
Hahahahahaha. Yeah. Psssshhh.
A Vague & Menacing Agency 
Whatcha say?