Nightmares. 

I had a sympathetic nerve block done this morning. I didn’t have high expectations for it, but I was hoping.

I got home around noon and slept until six, and had nightmares about people chasing me and trying to kill me.

It didn’t work. In fact, it hurts worse than before I went in. I have another scheduled for a week from today, but I can’t do it. Tears come to my eyes just thinking about it.

I’ve tried

• Ibuprofen
• Tylenol
• Aleve
• Diclofenac
• Vicodin
• Percocet
• Gabapentin
• Trazodone
• Amitriptyline
• Cymbalta

and now painful, traumatic medical procedure medication and none of them have been successful. I just started the Cymbalta so I guess I “should try to be more optimistic,” but I can’t, considering.

Why won’t it stop? Why won’t it yield to medication? Why do people tell me they understand, & then go on to tell me about some medication or activity that hasn’t worked for me, worked for them?

It feels like somebody’s trying to break my foot in half, rip away all of my first metatarsal and phalageal bones, and crush my pinkie toe in pliers.  Motherfucker it hurts.